Kakashi's Secret Mission
by The Gallant Toad Sage
Summary: Kakashi is sent to defeat the ultimate evil. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

A/N This was a random idea I had when I got board. I write goofy stuff when that happens. This is pretty funny, but tell me what you think.

Open the Door, get on the Floor, Everybody do the Dinosaur

Kakashi looked around. He had to make sure no one saw him. If they did, he could kiss his butt goodbye. You see, Kakashi had a secret mission. A really big secret mission. And if he was caught...well, he just didn't want to think about that. His job was to remove a certain purple dinosaur from life who had been poisioning the minds of innocent children for years now. He himself had almost been harmed, but had been spared by his ninja lifestyle. But now, the purple monstrosity was trying to build up a massive army of mind controlled children, and the Leaf had to put an end to it. So, he quietly snuck into the studio and crept thru the halls. Staying low, he avoided the cameras and guards as he approached the stage that the horrendous show was recorded. As quiet as he could be, he slowly opened the door and entered the dark room. He slowly shut the door, but the moment the door shut, a single spotlight snapped on in the center of the room. Kakashi could see the back of a chair, but nothing esle.

"So. You've come." A goofy sounding voice spoke out.

Kakashi rasied his headband and drew a kunai.

"Yes. I have. You have caused enough harm, Barney. By order of the Fifth Hokage, your death is my mission."

The chair turned around and Kakashi saw the smiling dinosaur.

"I don't think so. You see, I am Barney. Great lovable dinosaur. No one can resist me!"

Barney lunged forward and began sining as he tried to crush him with his tail.

"I love you. You love me." He began.

"No!!" Kakashi paniced and slammed his fist into his mouth, knocking out his teeth.

Barney stumbled back and shook his head, glaring.

"You! You have damaged me. Now you pay. Barney Hug!"

Kakashi watched as the great purple dinosaur threw his arms wide and lumbered over to him. Kakashi lept back as the giant tripped and landed on the ground.

"That was close." He muttered.

"You haven't won yet. I know one move that will get you!" Barney roared as he stood up.

Kakashi watcehd as he began to dance and found himself calming down.

"No! Must...stay...strong. Need...porn." He said as he pulled out a certain orange book.

He began reading it and felt the effects of Barney's danceing fade away. He glared at him as he returned his book.

"Lets end this, purple boy." He said, making handsigns.

Barney watched in anger as a ball of electrisity appeared in Kakashi's hand.

"Chidori!" He shouted as the stage was filled with the sound of birds.

Barney looked at him with hatred.

"So. I lose."

"Hai. Time to kill a dinosaur." He said softly just before he charged.

Kakashi watched as he closed the distance. He grinned just before the attack struck, obliterating Barney's heart. The purple dinosaur gave a great shuddering gasp as his body lurched forward instinctively. Kakashi pulled his hand back and watched as the body dropped before he left the room. He wipped his hands off before-

"Bullshit."

Kakshi looked over at Naruto as he recounted his tale of his last mission.

"Excuse me?"

"For one, what the hell is a T.V.? Second, a purple dinosaur? You should stick to your old excuse of walking an old lady across several streets."

"For once, Naruto's right. That was such a lame lie, even Naruto can't believe it." Sakura said as she gave him a stern look.

"Yeah. And I believe a lot of things." Naruto input.

Kakshi sighed.

"If you don't believe me, fine. But I saved the world from a terrible evil. My next target is a giant yellow bird that talks."

Both teens groaned as Kakashi began giving reasons why Big Bird was the bane of childrens programming.


	2. Chapter 2

It's not your world anymore

The three Jonin quietly snuck through the street, It was bizzare. Gai had been forced to crush some grouch's head when he popped it iut of a trash can and started saying random things. He had been particularly impressed with Anko's snakes when tehy tore the gaint yellow bird to peices. Now, they had one more target. They started to move forward but jumped back into cover as a vampire of some sort walked by, muttering about the lack of O+ around here. Gai, for once, was able to whisper.

"This is a most unyouthful place."

Anko nodded.

"Yeah. And why the hell is it called Sesame street? I see no burgers or anything."

"Quiet." Kakashi hissed as more bizzare creatures walked by.

The team lept up onto the roofs and headed for a nearby apartment complex for their next target. A small red man who eats babies and molests people while they sleep. They entered in thru his window as he exited the kitchen, sining to himself.

"La la la la. Elmo's World." The thing sung out.

"What the fuck?" Gai said as he looked at the creature with disbelief.(You know something is screwed up if Gai cuses)

"What the fuck indeed." Anko muttered as the thing gave them a stern look

"Hey now. No bad words." He turned and started talking to what he thought was a camera.

"Bad words should never be used, no matter the situatution."

The three Jonin looked at one another as it looked back to them.

"Now, what do you do when you say bad things to some one?"

"Do laps?" Gai suggested.

"Torture the helpless bastard till I feel better." Aako said with a smirk.

Kakashi had a brilliant idea.

"We apologize. We just wanted to give you this." He asid, handing Elmo a paper bomb.

The thing looked at teh paper.

"Ohhh...Japanese. Lets see. It says, 'paper bomb'. What does a paper bomb do?" He asked.

"It goes boom." Kakashi said, using his hands to demonstrate.

Elmo laughed as he looked back at the now smoking.

"Oh See children? Smoking is bad. It makes you-BOOM!" They watched as Elmo vanished in a firey blast.

Kakashi walked over and tapped him in teh head with his foot, before giving his team a thumbs up. The three turned and left, getting out of Sesame Street before they were caught. Next target: Five multi-colored...things.


	3. Chapter 3

Die Twinky Pinkie! Er...Whatever the hell you are!

Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Naruto were very scared. The place they were at was werid. For one, the sun had a baby's face on it. Another, there were four multi-colored things rushing toward them. Naruto felt his eyebrow twitch as he looked to Kakashi.

"And you say orange is a freaking target?! That thing is yellow!" He screamed at the Jounin.

Kakashi chose not to answer as he began flashing through hand signs.

"Now's not the time gaki!" Jiraiya yelled as he summoned Gamabunta.

Kakashi finished his handsigns and summoned the Hatake Pack. The nin dogs growled as the things got even closer. Pukken looked to them in fear.

"What the hell are they?"

Kakashi wondered the same thing as Naruto went into Sage mode. The Three shinobi waited as the closed before...

"CHARGE!" Kakashi cried out, rushiing the oncoming monstrosities.

Gamabunta lept at the oncomings and landed infront of them, knocking them back. Gamabunta lashed out with his sword and ducked as the things scattered. He looked down in time to see a glob of something slam into him and begin to burn. The great Toad boss screamed in pain as he was dispelled. Jiraiya landed lightly and looked up to see a purse smash into his face. The Toad sage stumbled back and looked at the Purple one that simply smiled at him.

"Tinkey Winkey!" It cried as it ran to him.

Jiraiya threw a punch that the thing took. Jiraiya breathed a sigh of relief before something went wizzing past his head. He looked and saw some kind of vaccum thing shooting stuff at him. The Sage ducked and rushed it as it sent out a massive blast of electricity. Jiraiya managed to dodge it and landed a solid blow on it, that shattered it's head. The Sage lookd behind him to see the purse weilding target running at him.

"NOT AGAIN!" He screamed as he charged the purple one.

On the other side, Naruto's shadow clones were getting torn through by the red and yellow one. The blonde was sweating as he sent rasen shuriken after rasen shuriken flying at them. Each one missed as they ducked and dodged the attacks. Naruto felt the stress of using that attack multiple times and knew he would have to move in with Tai Jutsu.

"Damn it." He hissed as the last of his clones were damaged.

His two targets were in front of him, smiling widly as they held their arms wide. Naruto glared at them.

"DIE!" He screamed as he pulled put two Kunai and charged them.

Kakashi wasn't fairing any better as his summons were knocked out and poofed away. He was currently trying to land a blow on his taget. The green one was a slippery one. He slipped away from a weird hug like attempt by it and found himself back to back with Jiraiya. The old sage was breathing heavily as his target made it's way slowly to him.

"Having trouble?" He asked.

Kakashi snorted.

"Yeah. You could say that." He said as he eyed the green one as it made it's way to him happily.

"Any ideas?" Naruto asked as him backed up to them.

They were surrounded and were tiring quickly. Jiraiya looked at the things before he smiled.

"Their antena things. Kunai to them should paralyze them long enough to kill them."

The other two nodded and the three unleashed a burrage of kunai and shuriken. Kakashi saw his freeze up and stopped, pain on it's face. Not letting it recover, he formed a chidori and rushed it, slamming the atack into it's face, blowing it's brains out on the ground. Jiraiya landed behind his and snapped it's neck. Nothing fancy. He jist wanted to get the hell out of here. Naruto's was more spectacular. He formed twin Rasengans and rushed them, slamming the attacks into their stomachs, killing them. The three leaf shinobi looked over the bodies and shivered.

"This place creeps me out. Lets get out of here."

The others agrees and hurried out of the area, not seeing three beings watching them. The femal watched them with interest.

"Seems we're next, bops."

"Yeah. Should be good." One of the males said.

"But we're the Doodlebops. We'll win." The other male said.

They left, not knowing that the count down for their demise was already counting...down that is.


End file.
